THE RETURN

I've been wanting to blog many things lately, but I just don't have the time. But well, I'm back for good now; after seven months of wandering.

There were a lot of entries in my diary. Hopefully, I can put all those nagging thoughts in here in the coming days. And I will start w

ith this:

Things are getting more serious than I give them credit for. Time flies while I’m still trapped in the middle of ‘a nowhere’ in my life. I don’t have a flying Chucks to help me speed up. God. One or more weeks to go, I will be graduating college; then just a few more days, I will be taking the board exams. Is life really fast-phased or it is just me who can’t cope up? The future that I used to dream when I was a kid is coming soon. The drawings of my plans will be put to life. Or will it just remain silently on the paper?

Future, as how I define it now, is the result of working for your dreams, aspirations and goals. Yung nakikita mong kahihinatnan mo. When asked if what do we see in our futures, we answer everything better of course. We want to be wealthy, live with a happy family, with business and everything we dreamt to be. And that very moment is fast approaching. Can we guarantee that we will really have a good future?

The future I’ve been dreaming before is now the future I'm dreading to happen. What if I don’t succeed? What if I don’t achieve the realization of my dreams?

Deadlines, problems to be solved, exams, removals, graduation, board exams, first job... They’re flooding my mind.

I must first condition myself before I get insane!

geleen speaks...

Woah... I missed to blog. :( BTW, I'm back. :)

These past few days I was really busy. How I wish to get rid of this eyebags. Hmm.

Napakaproblemado kong tao. I problem even the smallest things. That's why I'm always in a mess. Or it is just a jinx destined to be with me forever. Nah. You know, I didn't sleep for one whole night (as in) just to finish our group's video presentation for Rizal. Then, boom. It just don't like to save. That happened at about 5:30 in the morning and I badly need it at 7:30. I was crying to myself despite the fact that I'm puyat. Yes, I was saying "Lord, Lord, why did you do this to me? I did my best." I keep repeating that to myself. Then I just realize, that just don't make sense so I stopped. :) I was also thinking about my finals in Integral Calculus that day and I haven't review anything at all. Wooh. I wanted to scream.

Then I decided to wait for that thing until it save itself, I would not go if I haven't have it. Hours pass, and then at 9:00. My classmate texted me that our Prof hasn't arrived yet. I saw a spark of hope! Wooh. But that crap project, antagal niya masave. I just decided to go to school and continue it another time kasi di naman dumating si Sir eh.

So there, I just arrived- - - wasted. What would you expect a sleep-deprived girl without even successfully finishing her work? Lakas ng loob kong pumasok eh wala pa naman akong nireview kahit na ano. I just said, "What will happen, will happen." Then, that's it. I just slept waiting for our Prof to come instead of reviewing. I just can't help myself.

Then, boom! My exam was a disaster! Wooh. That's it. Wala na kong magagawa.

Then a week passed. You know, I didn't notice our video presentation. And when i'm about to work, nagreformat pala ang Tito ko! Tsk tsk tsk. Huhu. Restart.

I'm starting to think negative about my Calculus and I'm thinking in advance what if I need to retake that in summer. Wooh. I don't think I can bear if I had summer classes again.

You know, small challenges but I really wanna give up. I easily quit. I easily forget all my effort, that gets dumped and I'll just start to think of the problem. I do not easily move on. I realized, ang hirap sa akin kapag nagka problema, magmumukmok na lang ako and hindi na ako gagawa ng solusyon. Magpapagupo nalang ako sa problema. Napaka pessimistic ko pa naman. Parang ayaw ko na once na nagkaproblema. :( Now, I wanna change that attitude. I want to be positive about negative things.

Hope that side improves as time passes. :)

But everything's alright now. :))

Another thing, I hate being so emotional for him. I'm afraid I'm transforming into an emo, weee. There would be times that I would think, I couldn't get happy because of him. I would cry and cry until my eyes can't cry anymore. :(( So sad, I'm not still over it. You know, I don't have the rights to feel and act like this. Because it was just an ALMOST but . . . I can't help myself. Hmm. Enough. I think I should blog about that that some other time. Promise.:)

BTW, Thanks for my friends who always cheers me up. :)) Love you guys. Mwah.

P.S.

What do you think about this???

Nagbibili there means:
a. nagbebenta or
b. bumibili.

For me, I think that was nagbebenta. But for others, its bumibili.
You? What do you think?

just g.